Are your "SHOULDS" limiting your happiness?

One day, I took my mom shopping. We stopped by a small clothing shop down a narrow street, where my mom spotted a pair of bright orange shorts. Her eyes lit up with a smile, and she exclaimed, “Wow, this is beautiful!” Holding the shorts up to her body, I encouraged her to try them on. When she came out of the dressing room, she looked radiant and happy. "It’s vibrant and looks great!" I exclaimed. She was so excited that she decided to purchase them.

The next day, I found my mom with her head down, pacing around in her room. Concerned, I asked, "what’s wrong mom? Are you okay?" Mom looked at me hesitantly and said, "Can we return the shorts I bought yesterday?" When I asked why, she replied, “I am old; I shouldn’t wear something so bright and colorful.” I then questioned, “Mom, what color should you wear, then?” She said, “I should wear light and dark colors, nothing eye-catching, like the one on the chair.” I inquired, “So, between the bright orange and the dark blue, which one do you like better?” She responded, “The orange one.” Curious, I asked her, "Are you wearing it for yourself or for others?" For a minute, Mom had the deer-in-headlights look, almost as if she were searching for a right or wrong answer. And then she reluctantly said, “for me.”

"Mom, what you said sounds confusing. You said you like the bright orange color, but you are afraid to wear it and said you shouldn't wear it because you think you are too old. Is it because, being older, you SHOULD wear less desirable, muted, unattractive colors?” Mom stood there looking lost. I asked, “Does that mean getting older, you live less vibrantly, live less engaged, live diminished?” She looked puzzled, and she replied, “That does not sound right.” I continued, "Mom, you are retired now; you finally have time to take a break. When do you think you can wear pretty bright colors?" After a few seconds of thought, she smile and said, 'Now.'"

So how did my mom come to believe that, beyond a certain age, she’s unable to enjoy vibrant colors?

Was it influenced by television, friends, culture, society? The notion that “it couldn’t be any other way”, that ‘age-appropriate’ means toned down, conforming to live inside of ‘what other people think’ instead of living the way you want?

Do you have aspects of your life trapped in this framework of "shoulds"?

At that moment, if I had not asked my mother these questions, my mother would have already returned the orange shorts and continued to live a less vibrant, less engaged, diminished life due to her “shoulds”. A tolerable good enough life, gradually accepting the “ less than” life being okay. Day after day “less than” becomes a normal way of living”.

There is nothing wrong with “less than” or normal ways of life. However if what you want is a life in which you feel fulfilled, satisfied, and genuinely happy and proud, you may want to question whether other's “shoulds” are making your decisions for you. What would your life be like if you get what you truly want?

Do you have “shoulds” dictating your life?

Do your “shoulds” make you happy?